this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
