Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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