dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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