Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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