i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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