It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
