Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
