I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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