um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
