I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
