smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
