yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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