i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
