Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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