the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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