I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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