My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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