that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
