The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
false alarm, still single
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
