i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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