no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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