mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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