these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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