never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
