im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
