2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
