Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize