you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
