five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
