is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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