I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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