Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
