Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
