I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
