At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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