he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize