Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
