So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
