There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
