Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
