party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
