I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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