so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
