your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
