Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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