like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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