Don't make out with my wife yet
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
