Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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