Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
