Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
