I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
