new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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