i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She bit a glass in half.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
