he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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