Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
