Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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