At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
