bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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