just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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