Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
