i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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