And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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