i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
