can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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